The Barrier Series
by EliseRedding
Summary: Charlie, Prodigy, depression.
1. Barrier of Brothers

**Title**: Barrier of Brothers - A part of the Barrier Series

**Author**: Elise

**rating** - pg

**summary **- a series discussing the issues of the characters from Numb3rs (which i do not own). Yeah. This section is about charlie.

I.

Don walked through the classroom to get to the office. He knocked softly, and noted that it was dark with the shades drawn. Don raised an eyebrow and gently called out, "Charlie? Hey charlie, you in here?"

Don's ears caught the sound of a shifting jacket and he walked in. "I'm coming in, Charlie."

Walking around the desk, he found Charlie, leaning against the wall, knees to his chest. Don's face took on one of pity and he walked over quietly. "Hey buddy - how are you?"

Charlie didn't respond, he just looked forward, his eyes jaded, and his adam's apple bobbing, as if he were swallowing sobs. Don sat down beside his brother, placing a hand on his knee. for the first time, he noticed Charlie clutching something. Don nudged his brother, "Charlie - what are you doing in the dark."

"Thinking." Charlie whispered, much to Don's surprise.

"Thinking about what?" Don pushed.

Charlie turned his head, and even in the near dark, Don could see that they were red-rimmed. Charlie swallowed harshly again, "Just thoughts..."

Don nodded, "Hey... I uh... missed you at work today. I'm so used to you being there, you know, as a part of the team, that it was strange not having you around."

Don smiled, hoping it would encourage a smile in the younger one. Charlie's math wasn't the only thing that Don couldn't understand in the prodigy, his emotions also created a barrier between the brothers. Charlie nodded, "I'm sorry. Not today... couldn't do it today."

"Oh, no, Charlie, I didn't mean to say that you had to be there. Consult at your comfort level." Don nudged, "You're well liked."

Charlie smiled at that, "Thank you."

Don laughed, "See, I knew you could smile."

Charlie shrugged, "Least I can still function at least at a basic level."

Don looked around the room, absorbing Charlie's tone, comments and atmosphere. Charlie looked like he hadn't moved one bit. Don sighed, "What's wrong, Charlie? Maybe I can help you?"

Charlie shook his head, "You... me... we're different, Don. We always have been. You never wanted me at your games, or your graduation... or with mom or dad... We're too different."

Don shook his head, "That's not true, Charlie... Didn't you say something once about Kim saying how alike we are? You know, passionate and all that."

Charlie's lungs seemed to hitch, as if he were swallowing sobs again. Don put an arm around Charlie's shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. "Come on, Charlie," Don started again, "You can talk to me."

Charlie shook his head, accepting the embrace, "No. No, the only person who ever understood, I ignored. I let her go away on her death bed... I let her die. Alone. That's why I'm alone."

Don seemed thrown back at Charlie's admission. When Charlie had re-entered the life of the FBI agent's, Don had taken out a few books on prodigies and child genius'. He never expected Charlie to still be displaying depression and isolation at thirty. It hurt to know that he didn't truly know his brother. Don began to gently rub Charlie's arm. "Listen buddy, She knew why you didn't come, and to be honest, I'm beginning to understand as well. In fact... I can relate."

Charlie looked up, "How? You've been accepted your entire life. I'm an anomaly in and of itself. I shouldn't exist. The statistics of mom and dad having a child of my nature are minimal. I don't have the experiences you do. I... I'm alone. I'm not normal."

Don shushed him, "Stop. You are normal, Charlie. You feel just like everyone else does. You have been grieving just like I have been grieving. You run away, your NP thing, just like I used fugitive recovery to run away from my own problems. Charlie, I get you. You're brain can wrap around the most difficult and complex mathematics, but your heart is so open that sometimes it has problems feeling so much. Just as you think big, you feel big. I get that. I've seen enough that I can shut it down and out. You can't."

Charlie kept his head on Don's chest, listening to Don's words, soothing him. Charlie nodded. Don did seem to know what he was talking about. Charlie whispered out, "I still... sometimes I just need to be isolated from everyone else. I feel like they're watching me, expecting so much out of me, and... and I don't feel worthy of it. Not after what I did to mom."

Don kissed the top of Charlie's head, "Hey, buddy, it's alright. I won't judge you anymore. I know I've made your life rough, but I want you in my life. I want you to be happy. You're my brother, and you mean a lot to me."

"How can you forgive me?"

"The same way you can forgive me for being such a retched brother to you." Don said, admitting his gem of guilt.

Charlie sat up, staring into Don's face in shock. He had never expected Don to feel bad about the way he treated his "freak brother". Don smiled, as if he expected Charlie's shock. Don spoke quietly, "I haven't been the best to you Charlie. I had a lot of resentment towards you. I made this alienation you feel much more worse than it had to be. I'm sorry."

Charlie's bottom lip quivered, "Oh Don...Don't apologize. You don't have to. I forgave you so long ago."

Don got to his feet and extended a hand, "OK, then forgive yourself. I'm trying to understand you, but I need your help. I'm here for you. You're not alone."

Charlie looked at the hand and grabbed it, Don pulling him up into an embrace. Charlie finally let out his sob, fully trusting Don. Charlie managed to let out, "Do...Do you think she understood... really? I miss her so much, Don."

Don gently stroked his back, "hey, She knew you completely and understood. She didn't hold it against you for a moment."

Charlie smiled into Don's chest, the tears still rolling thickly down his face. Don continued, "We all miss her, but thats what Dad and I are here for, Charlie. We get through it as a family. Ok?"

"Ok." Charlie whispered out.

"Ok." Don said, "Let's go home. It's rib-eye night."

Charlie chuckled at Don's Rib-eye obsession and nodded, grabbing his things. He knew that he was an anomaly, but not for his intelligence, but for having such incredible people in his life.

finis

till part two


	2. Barrier of Resentment

Second story in the Barrier Series. by Elise 

II.

David picked Don up, who was waiting outside of the LA FBI branch offices, looking entirely too uncomfortable in the heat. David rolled down the window and quipped out, "Care for the comfort of an air conditioning? Too bad, I don't pick up hitchhikers."

Don cracked a smile, walking to his side and letting himself in. He immediately smiled as he was hit with the cool rush of air. "Whoever thought that full suits in Los Angeles was proper needs a serious psychological evaluation."

David chuckled and began to head towards the highway. "So your car will be ready tomorrow?"

Don nodded, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Yeah. It's a pain getting around without it. Even knowing how much I save from not using gas."

"Your fault for getting a guzzler." david said, checking his rear view mirror.

Don looked exhausted. He kept tapping his foot. Usually, Don was extremely reserved, and never displayed any sign of stress or his thoughts. David cleared his throat, "You know, one time when I was working in South America, I was treated for soul loss."

Don put his shades on and leaned back, "Oh yeah? Pre or Post Tel Aviv?"

"Pre. Just a check up on some border controls. Anyway, Its interesting. Whereas I don't think I lost my soul, its what the area called Stress."

Don shook his head, "You bring this up...?"

"You look terrible, Don. Just checking, you know? Soul loss... well there were a lot of different cures but talking it out was one of them."

Don bit his lip. He hadn't lost his soul, Charlie had. His eyes were blank, his cheeks hollow, bags under the young mathematician's eyes. His soul had flown the coop. Don sighed, "I just have a lot on my mind."

David shrugged, "Well, it's a long drive to San Diego, so we've got to talk about something."

Don adjusted in his seat, "Yeah - but... well it's not me, David, it's Charlie."

"What's up with Charlie?" David said quickly. Even though his tone was quiet and reserved, Don picked up on the protectiveness that infiltrated the trained agent's voice. Charlie had really grown on these people. He really was on the team.

The cars flew by Don as he struggled for the right things to say. "Charlie... He's a bit depressed, and as much as I hate to say this, I don't know how to handle it. Prodigy depression is entirely new to me. I only know how to handle the psychology of..." Don paused.

"Normal people?" David finished.

"I wasn't going to say that. Charlie is normal."

"No, you were going to say that. It's not wrong or bad. Abnormal isn't always a bad thing. If Charlie were normal, he wouldn't be Charlie. He wouldn't be able to help us." David pointed out, passing a car, enjoying that he couldn't be pulled over.

Don smirked, "You're right. I just mean... he keeps talking about our mother and..." Don let out a breath, "Yeah... I can't figure out what to say. I feel like I do nothing but put my foot in my mouth. He's a hard one to figure out."

David nodded, "Ever thought of getting him drunk?"

Don's eyes widened, "What?"

"You know, so he could get beer tears, and finally allow himself to speak about whats depressing him." David looked at his partner, "You know it works. You control your drinking so much, I bet you've had a few nights of beer tears that you're embarassed about."

"Terry told you?" Don said incredulously.

David laughed out loud, "No no... just studying your behavior. It's what we do,

remember?"

Don smirked, "Oh yeah."

A silence fell over the two for a while and David tried again, "So anything significant

happen? Perhaps Amita turned him down?"

Don shook his head, "Charlie... he wouldn't ask her out in a million years, besides, even if he did and she turned him down, he'd go nuts in the garage. I found him alone in his office, in the dark, doing nothing. I know why he's depressed... It's just... I don't think I know everything and I'm supposed to."

"Why? Because Charlie thinks you're SuperBrother?"

Don laughed, but not whole heartedly, "No. I mean... I just don't want to fail him. He's not the only one with a lot of pressure in the household. I don't know what to say to him. I mean..." Don rubbed his eyes again, "This is horrible, I admit that, but sometimes I really resent the kid. Sometimes I think... he could have avoided this pain if he just... snapped out of it. Visited my mother maybe."

"You hold that against him?"

"I know, I know... but, sometimes its hard not to. She used to ask for him all the time. I had to lie and say he was at school, or out of town, or that he'd be in soon... knowing he was always in that damned garage."

David nodded, taking another exit. "So, that's normal. Sibling rivalry. Charlie obviously feels guilty about it. Didn't you read a bunch of books about prodigy psychology?"

Don nodded. He was looking down and noticed that David had brought coffees. Iced coffees. Don smiled and grabbed his, taking a huge sip. He had the best partner ever. "Yeah, I read a bunch. Basically, they feel alone. It's true. Sometimes Dad and I can't get Charlie. Sometimes its hard to believe he even came from our family line. Last night, he was holding back sobs. You could see his body just... shaking from holding them back. I wish he didn't have to deal with this stuff. I mean, he looked so traumatized."

"He's not a kid though, Don, and it sounds like you think he is."

Don shrugged, enjoying the cold beverage and the after taste. "You're right. I do treat him like that... sometimes. I mean, I wish he'd grow up half the time. In high school, he used to get beat up and I had to protect him like a body guard."

"Good to see some things haven't changed." David said.

"At graduation, I had to watch after him. He was only thirteen. We graduated together, same day."

"You've said." David pointed out, "That was supposed to be your day, huh?"

Don smirked, David was playing him like Terry used to. He knew enough about psychological questioning. "Listen, our entire childhood was based on resentment. He got special treatment, I didn't. The thing is, I don't think that way anymore. I respect Charlie a lot, and I worry when he gets like this. I mean... I was telling him last night, I get that his brain can wrap around large things, but they have neat answers. I know that Charlie's heart, compassion, well they aren't so neat. They're too big for his equations. It's like if I tried to multiply Pi and Phi together in my head."

"You have been spending too much time with Charlie. I don't even know what Phi

is." David said, hoping to get the air a bit more light for clarity.

Nodding, Don said, "It's the golden ratio... I attended a class of Charlie's the other day. He really appreciated it."

"That's nice of you. It's cool that you're treating Charlie so well. You do mean a lot to him." David pointed out, "Everyone can tell."

"I know." Don said, "And I do care for him. I just.. wish I could understand him better. I'm failing in that aspect."

David shook his head, "Does the entire Eppes family have guilt complexes or just you and Charlie?"

Don shook his head, "Probably just Charlie and I. You know, when we're done in San Diego, I think I'm going to take some days off, spend some time with Charlie."

David nodded, "I think that'd be a good idea. Help him through his rough spot."

Don nodded. It would be a good idea. He could finally get some time to pick apart Charlie's brain, figure him out, and truly understand him.

finis


	3. Barrier of Thought

title: Barrier of Thought (3 in a series of yet to be determined number)

Author: Elise

rating: G

warning: angsty!Charlie

notes: Charlie thinks, recollects, and comes up with a plan

feedback: yes please - thank you to ALL of you who respond. I live off of it. I really do.

III.

Charlie sat down against the wall, watching the laundry flip and flop in the dryer. He chewed his bottom lip, knees drawn to his chest. He had been there for - checking his watch - a half hour and had fifteen minutes left. He could hear the radio he left on upstairs in the kitchen and Alan shuffling around. The basement room was dimly lit, matching Charlie's mood. It had been this way for a few days. If there were ever a pet pieve of Charlie's, it was how he would randomly be caught in a funk of reflection. As natural as his analytical mind was, it still came with some curses. Resting his head on his knees, Charlie began to list the things in his life that seemed confusing to him. He remembered briefly a fight that he had started with Larry. The older man had visited him in his office, inquiring about tweaking some calculations. It had spun off into yet another lecture:

---

"Charles, I hate to constantly be bringing this up, but... your own work is suffering." Larry's voice warned.

Charlie turned from his chalkboard, mapping an equation. "Larry, I know what you're going to say."

Larry shook his head, "No, I don't think you do. I... I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that you're not taking your genius to it's potential. Not to say that whatever you're working on is void of meaning, but if you remember Neil H. Abel, he died at 26, after solving a 300 year old math problem. The man made himself sick."

Charlie turned back to the board, glaring so that Larry wouldn't see him. "I'm not sick."

"You work on projects that are below your level at such an intense rate... did you even eat today?"

Charlie drooped his head, "I appreciate your concern for my health, Larry, but I'm fine. Everything is fine."

"You don't sound fine. You don't even look fine." Larry pointed out, looking at how the clothes seemed to hang from Charlie's shrinking frame.

Charlie coughed, then cleared his throat. He was fine. "Listen, Larry, it's a myth that there is a mathematician prime. Einstein lived many years."

"Yet came up with his theory of relativity at 26. Hardy wrote once, and listen to this, that no mathematician should ever allow himself to forget that mathematics, more than any other art or science, is a young man's game."

Charlie spun around, "Larry, then why are you so obsessed with physics? Why don't you just... give it up."

Larry inhaled deeply, letting the presumed unintentional insult slide. "Charles, I've seen better men then you or I burn out and collapse underneath their vast intellectuality. I'm not saying you should work harder, I'm just saying you need to prioritize before it is too late. You won't be one of the top scholars your entire life."

Charlie rubbed his face, "Are you done? I don't want to deal with this right now."

"Charles," Larry spoke, "I don't want to nag you but this is important. What is this on the board, right now? More work for Don?"

Charlie slammed his chalk down, "Stop it. I just... Larry... I'm sorry, but I'm sick of this pressure to be the greatest thing since... since sliced bread. I'm telling you right now, if I could rid myself of this, I would. I just want to be left alone. I'm sorry. Could you leave?"

Larry's jaw was slightly open, the only indication that he had even heard the annoyed mathematician. With a blink of his eyes and a sigh, Larry turned and left. Charlie looked on in horror, his throat too dry to call Larry back and apologize.

---

The laundry had ten minutes to go. Charlie then noticed that his red socks were mixed in with the whites. He sighed, echoing the frustration of Larry earlier that day. Charlie rubbed his eyes. He shouldn't have yelled at Larry. The older professor had done nothing but help Charlie through school. The resentment that people held for Charlie was blatantly evident. Larry helped ward off predators, put simply. Larry taught him, listened to him, helped him... He was invaluable. Charlie basked in the sullen cloud of his own humiliation. Larry was right and wrong, his own bastardized shroedinger's cat. Charlie was wrong to yell at Larry, but he wasn't anything special like the physicist schemed. In fact, his "gift" did quite the opposite of Larry's percieved dreams of grandeur, cosmos and humanity.

Charlie couldn't pinpoint a specific reason for his current depression. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. The dim room was therapeutic and the general cacophony of his now ruined whites drying created a cave of refuge. One that would end soon. There were many concrete things that Charlie had been overanalyzing as of late. His brother was working extra long hours, and seemed to dismiss him a lot more. Alan was growing more and more frustrated, not that Charlie blamed his father. He had been using his father's good will for almost thirty years now. There were small hints that Alan wanted his youngest son to grow up, get his own home, and move on with life. Charlie knew he had to move on from his mother's death, from the hardships of his childhood, from the curse. He had to start something, and end something in order to do that. Charlie just didn't know what that something was.

His mothers death was difficult, and he didn't like to think about it too often. Charlie felt his palms getting sweatier as his mind drifted off to her last days. Charlie wasn't sure if he believed in an after life. Further, he didn't think the human body, in all it's dimensions and atomic particles had any space or coding for things like souls. Humans were merely forms of energy to then return to being pure energy after death. A small voice crept into Charlie's mind, whispering to him that life, enjoyment, passion and intelligence were more than just chemical reactions in prefrontal cortex. Was that the soul? Was his mother merely replaced energy, or was she a free soul? Charlie shook his head as if it would rid his head of the thoughts.

Checking on the timer again, Charlie noted that he had five minutes left. He sighed and began to fill his head with his lecture topics. He was needed in LA for the weekend. There was a conference on Complex math systems by the National Applied Mathematics Organization's annual meeting. Charlie was the guest lecturer on the use of the Fourier Transformation in Levy distribution to aid in Levy Flight. Basic Ergodic Theory that Charlie had a hard time understanding the need and significance for such an important meeting. Charlie rubbed his face. Perhaps if he put the timer back ten minutes, every nine minutes, he'd never have to leave and lecture or talk to Larry, Don, Alan or the real world ever again. If anything from these thought processes, Charlie felt embarassed. He remembered being in highschool and thinking these same thoughts. It was a tiresome cyce of 'why me' and 'i wish it weren't so..'

Charlie thought back to what he had told Larry. 'If I could rid myself of this, I would.' Charlie had always wondered what it was like to be normal. Perhaps he could take his mind and try to find a way to get rid of it. It would be ironic to use one's applied math skills to get rid of one's applied math skills. Charlie sighed again, hating the caved in feeling in his chest.

Jumping at the sound of the timer, Charlie realized that his ruined laundry was done. He hadn't even noticed the smell of the dryer sheets filling the small room. With creaking bones, Charlie stood up and fetched the warm clothes, tinted pink. He sighed, his body moving mechanically. He'd have to get rid of it. He had to find some way to make himself normal. The only way to do that was to completely change his life and to unlearn his life. He vaguely remembered a theory in an old psychology course from his teens. It stated that by the age of four, all children learned their basic emotions: fear, anger, shyness, gladness, disgust, guilt and interest. How much of that was skewed by his brain, his upbringing, but most of all by himself?

Charlie grabbed the clothes and brought them upstairs. Alan was waiting with dinner, eyebrow raised, "Enjoy the comfort of the musty basement?"

Charlie nodded, not truly hearing the question. He instead put the laundry basket into his room and came down stairs. He leaned against the kitchen doorframe and observed his father.

Alan looked up from his seat and indicated that Charlie should sit. Charlie cleared his throat, "Dad... do you... do you believe we can change the ugly things in ourselves?"

Surprised by the question, Alan paused before speaking, "Well, Charlie, that depends on what you mean by ugly. I don't see anything ugly about you."

Charlie ignored his father's statement and moved to the question, "I mean to say, do you believe that we have the ability to change things about ourselves that were... previously thought of as permanent or a definite part of our personality?"

"I'm no psychologist, Charlie, but I can tell there's more to this question then you're letting on." Alan indicated that Charlie should sit again.

Charlie took a deep breath and looked at his feet, "I'm not hungry."

"What's wrong, Charlie? This isn't your normal deep in thought line of questioning. What's going on?"

Charlie's breath hitched and he damned himself for it. Charlie turned away to the kitchen, "I need to clear my head, Dad. I'm fine, I promise... but... I thought you should know, I'm going to be moving out."

Alan hadn't had a chance to express his shock, because Charlie had already shut him out, walking to the garage.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Barrier of the Found

author: Elise

G rated

Do not own numb3rs

FOURTH in the Barrier series... and still going...

THANK YOU TO ALL THE REVIEWERS! I LOOOOVE YOU!

IV.

Don scanned the streets from his SUV, cursing the gridlock. With the knowledge of Charlie's bike route, Don followed the busy streets towards the park, the coffee shop and the cemetary. Alan's phone call had been shocking to say in the least. Fortunately, Don was on his last report when he recieved the call. Apparently, Charlie was depressed and had question Alan on some pecular things. don thought back to when he found Charlie in his office, curled up in what could only be described as despair. Don had thought that their talk had smoothed things out. He thought that Charlie was feeling better. Don hit his steering wheel in frustration. He was wrong, and now Charlie was suffering because of it. He knew that Charlie resented his mental abilities as much as Don had in his childhood. So far, there wasn't a single sign of his lone biker.

After the next turn, Don pulled off onto a side street. He mumbled to himself, as if Charlie would appear when he muttered, "Come on Charlie, where are you?"

Driving the back route to the park, his first stop, Don rubbed his forehead. According to Alan, Charlie had spent the entire day in either his room, or the basement. He was thin, depressed, sleep deprived, and starting questioning changing things. Don wouldn't have left work if it weren't for Charlie's declaration that he was moving out. Charlie loved his house. He had put up such a fuss when Alan had placed it up for sale. He had worried that Alan was rejecting him. Don's eyes flashed as he pulled up to the park. Charlie's bike was disgarded by the side fo the road. Don pulled over and placed the bike in his trunk. Walking into the park, Don went through a million things he could say. He promised David that he'd take a few days off to spend with Charlie.

Sitting by the pond, Don had found Charlie. He was sitting, throwing stones. Don walked up to him and said softly, so as not to startle him, "Hey buddy..."

Charlie looked up, eyes wide and slightly unfocused. Their sadness were so evident, it drilled holes in Don's heart. "Hi." Charlie croaked out.

Don sat down beside him, looking at the water. "Dad said you were moving out?"

Charlie nodded, "Yeah, I am. Time to start new."

"Do you not like your life as it is?"

Charlie shrugged, "I used to."

Charlie looked down, tucking his knees up, a recently common gesture. He thought back to all the events, all the emotions. He knew that eventually, he would stop being depressed, but for now it looked like it would never end. Charlie was doubting if he'd ever feel better. Don cleared his throat, "Come on Charlie, You can talk to me."

Charlie looked up, "I'm sorry, what?"

Don smiled, his eyes crinkling in sadness, "Hey, I was just asking what changed."

Charlie shrugged, "Do you... do you think there's a reason for everything? If there is, then why do we change things? Isn't it fate? We can't change fate."

"Charlie, you don't believe in fate." Don said, "You believe in laws, and math, and-"

At the word 'math', Charlie tensed up. Don took note and continued, "You use math for everything."

Charlie shook his head, "Why do I have to? I didn't ask to be like this."

"Charlie, it's not wrong to be like you are. I told you the other day that you weren't a freak, or any of the other names you use to degrade yourself."

"Don, I just... I can't feel happy. Its as if there are these range of emotions that I am just not programmed to feel. Love, happiness.." Charlie trailed off.

Don shook his head, "Why do you think you're barred from emotions like those? Charlie, I know we all have our down days, but you're human just like everyone else. You can achieve anything."

"Don, I can't stop thinking that there are unchangeable things wrong with me. I tried to stop the math, I did. I thought of all different ways to change my brain chemistry, different surgeries. I mean, I even thought of ways to dull it down. All of them... could kill me. I don't want to die, I just want..." Charlie paused again, painfully aware that he had no idea what he wanted.

Don pushed the gravel around with his foot, "But I don't want you to change. I like how you are. Charlie, I know you can get through this. As much as I want you to get your own place, I think you should stay with Dad. You need to be around people who love you for you."

"He loves me because he has to." Charlie whispered.

"You know that isn't true." Don said, "Come on Charlie..."

Charlie percieved Don's comment as patronizing. He sighed and rubbed his face,

"You know, just let me get this apartment and make these changes. I've been really overworked and I see how Dad wishes I would just grow up. Well, growing up means outgrowing certain things. I just have to learn to be like everyone else. Maybe get a job elsewhere..."

"Charlie, I'm not going to leave you alone. I moved back to LA to be with you and Dad. I came back because... well I want to be a part of your life. You're much cooler than I thought you were."

"You thought I was uncool because of this... detestable gift." Charlie tapped his forehead and then proceeded to wring his hands out.

"Charlie, I know you're not feeling very well right now, but, I know you'll get through it. You're resilient."

Charlie scoffed, "You don't know that."

Don raised an eyebrow, "I don't? Charlie, High school alone taught you how to survive. I saw how they treated you, and let me tell you something, I hated it. I saw how you chose to resolve conflicts, instead of starting them, like I did. You've dealt with negative people your entire life, and you STILL want to help people. The FBI, you look at those horrible pictures and you work harder. You save lives. Charlie... you bounce back and help people. You're better than half the world out there."

Charlie sat and listened to his older brother's lecture. Despite the words his mind was telling him how horrible he was. Charlie put his head in his hands, "Don... stop."

Don put his hand on Charlie's shoulder, "No, I won't. I came to LA for mom, I am staying for you."

Charlie looked at his brother, noting the worry in Don's face, the concern in his voice. "Don... is that true?"

"Yes, Charlie, It is." Don said, "Come on, lets go back to the house. We'll all go out to dinner. We can talk this out."

Charlie took a deep breath and stood up, "Ok. Ok, I'll try it out. Maybe I'll begin to feel better, right?"

"Right, Right Charlie." Don stood up and draped an arm around him. "Hey, you know... I realize that I don't know you as well as I should, and I want to. I love you, Charlie. I'm sorry that I made it seem otherwise."

Charlie leaned into Don and smiled, geniunely, "Thanks. For finding me, and talking. I mean... I don't know whats going to happen. I'm kinda afraid to go back to be honest. I'm sorry... i guess I'm stressed or something..."

"You don't have to make excuses. You can feel whatever you want to, I just wish next time, come to me. You can talk to me."

The two began to walk back to the car, Charlie's shoulders still hunched and hands shoved in his pockets. Don cleared his throat and said, "Hey, I've got a few days off coming up and I was wondering if you wanted to take a vacation with me. You and me. Get out of this place."

Charlie looked up, slightly shocked at the proposal, "You never take days off..."

"I will for you Charlie. What do you say?"

Charlie's grin seemed to reach his ears, "Yeah, I think I'd like that."


	5. Chapter 5

Barrier Broke

part five of a five part series

BY elise

pg

feedback welcomed.

THANK YOU REVIEWERS!

This is the final chappie and dedicated to YOU!

V.

"How's the weather, Charlie?"

"OH dad! You'd love it! You should've come. It's beautiful out. I've never seen such blue water before!" Charlie responded exuberantly, knowing that with his consulting, he really had seen bluer waters.

Alan chuckled, "Nah, I'd slow you bachelors down."

"Oh, and you're not a bachelor? You go on more dates than I do." Charlie quipped.

"Again, with the lack of grandchildren, I've noticed." Alan chided. "So Charlie, you sound... just perfect. I've been so worried about you."

Charlie's face fell slightly, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I mean... I'm just taking these days for every minute they're worth. If I think about it too much, I still get down, but I'm getting better. I promise."

"That's what I like to hear. I'm so proud of you for getting through whatever was tinkering in your head." Alan's smile could be heard over the phone.

Charlie nodded, "I do what I can. Thanks for sticking with me."

"I've got to. You're my landlord."

"Ha ha."

"I'm only kidding, Charlie. I love you, you know, can't wait to see you with a tan." Alan said.

"Love you, too, Dad. Bye." Charlie hung up and grinned, walking back to the pool area.

Don was leaning back by the poolside, enjoying the heat of the sun. He watched as Charlie observed the people walking by him, his face happier than it had been in days, but still laced slightly in sadness. Don sat up, "Hey Charlie, over here."

Charlie walked over and sat by his older brother. The man had a few mardi gras beads around his neck and oakley shades. He was drinking a beer and grinning. Charlie looked at himself. He was wearing an old teeshirt and some trunks, sun screen on his nose, and an oversized hat. Don kicked him slighty, "What did I say about being gloomy?"

"You'd throw me to the sharks." Charlie said in a monotone voice, as if he'd repeated it a dozen times.

"That's right." Don said, laughing. "How you going to tan with all those clothes on?"

"Don, I don't know. I'm having fun, I really am, but trust me, no one wants to see me. You're an FBI agent who has to look good. I just bike a lot."

Don sat up and before he could say something, a server came and placed a beer in Charlie's hands. Charlie raised his hands up and said no. Don laughed, "Put it on my tab. We'll be doing shots in a bit."

"Don! You have a tab!"

"Charlie. This is vacation. You're supposed to have fun. Stop worrying, about everything. Let loose."

Charlie sighed, "I do let loose you know."

"In a non mathematical sense. You need to get a bit drunk today, meet a few girls, act stupid, and puke tomorrow morning, ok?"

Charlie shook his head in disbelief, "Now why would I do that? That's the most ridiculous idea-"

"Because Charlie, its called losing control and letting loose. You need to learn to relax, not worry. Come on, it'll be just like college." Don pointed out, drinking more.

Charlie sighed, "I was 13 when I entered college, Don. With Mom. I've never had a drunken party."

"So you have no idea what a keg stand is, do you?" Don asked increduously.

Charlie sighed, "I'm sorry I wasn't as cool as you were Don, but I was studying for a masters in Fluid Dynamics at that point. When I turned twenty-one, I was already working at CalSci."

"Charlie, it's your time then. It's not about being cool. Drinking in fact, isn't cool. I've seen enough abused wives to prove that true. BUT drinking responsibly is, and I'm here to watch your back and see you go. It'll be fun. You like new experiences. Besides, you can determine the amount of alcohol per liter of water in your body to get you drunk, or something like that."

Charlie snorted, "Or something like that."

Don laughed and walked Charlie to the bar. A woman with gigantic... eyes was smiling at them. "My name is Condoleeza, what can i get you two cuties?"

"Hello Condoleeza, we'd like a few shots, on the bartab of Eppes." Don said, grinning, his charm in full force.

The girl blushed and said, "And you sir?"

Charlie shrugged, "I've never had a shot before."

"Crown it is." She said.

Don laughed and said, "make that two."

Condoleeza winked at Charlie, "How about three?"

As she walked away to get the crown, Don hit Charlie lightly on the shoulder, "She likes you."

"We haven't tipped her yet."

"You could tip her in other ways." Don said, "Kiss on the cheek, get her number?"

"That's sexual harassment, Don."

"If you don't start having fun, I'm going to throw you-"

"To the sharks. I get it. Fine. What's crown, anyway?"

"A shot. You'll like it." Don said as Condie returned with the shots.

They clanked them together and downed them, Charlie observing the other two and then mimicking them. He immediately felt nautious and screwed up his face in disgust. "What on earth made you think that was fun?"

"The fun will start after your second one." Condie said, chuckling.

"What makes you think two shots will get me drunk?" Charlie countered.

Condie smiled, "I've a knack for these things."

She poured another, passing it to the younger Eppes, "Drink up, sweetie. I promise."

Charlie sighed and downed the other. Don clapped him on the shoulder and ordered two beers. Charlie blinked. His face was feeling warm. Don smiled at Condoleeza and thanked her. She left to help other patrons, while Charlie muttered something about his stomach. Don pointed to an available table by the balcony. Where they were staying, there was an outdoor pool and bar that looked out onto the beach from high up. Charlie smiled as he smelled the sea breeze, the wind rushing his curls gently. Don sipped his beer, "How you feeling?"

"Fine... Fine. Those tasted disgusting." Charlie noted.

"Course they do, but wait till it hits."

Charlie nodded, staring out at the beach, "Thanks for taking me here, Don, it was

really nice of you."

Don smiled, "You needed a break. Something to end your depression."

Charlie nodded, "You think that I'll still be depressed when I go back? I mean,

maybe I don't want to go back. Snorkeling yesterday was fun, and that nature hike was

incredible."

Don nodded, "You need to go back. If we stayed here for the rest of our lives, then it would no longer be a luxury."

Taking his hat and sunglasses off, Charlie noted that he was feeling a little warm. "Has the temperature gone up?"

Don smirked, "Perhaps."

Charlie's beer was half gone before he realized that he was perhaps a little tipsy. He looked at Don, "Do you think... Do you think we can change...?"

Don turned towards his younger brother, the humor out of his eyes. Charlie was talking like he was depressed again. He knew that a quick vacation wouldn't solve whatever was wrong. Don sighed, "Want to go for a walk?"

Charlie shrugged, not responding. He sipped more of his beer. Don reached over, setting their beers down. "Lets go for a walk. I'll buy you another one later."

Charlie nodded and followed him.

They made it down to the beach, their sandals discarded at the locker spaces. Don watched the other people laughing, swimming, sunbathing, until his eyes turned to Charlie. His eyes were focused on his feet, his hands absentmindedly scratching at his shirt. Don smiled, "Hey... penny for your thoughts."

Charlie smiled at the phrase, "I was just thinking..."

"You're never just thinking. You always have a problem you're working through." Don said, "Tell me what it is. Maybe I could help."

"Don. I think I need to see someone when I get home." Charlie said so quietly that Don doubted he had heard correctly.

"Someone like Terry?"

Charlie nodded, "I'm really tired of feeling this way."

Don smiled and draped an arm on Charlie's shoulder, "That's good. You know, I think that's a good idea."

"Yeah... what would you know? You never had to see someone because of your mind."

Don shook his head, "That's not true. We have annual psych evaluations, and... well, this stays between us, ok buddy?"

"Alright."

"Everytime I am done with a really tough case, or I have to use lethal force, I go see someone. It's a ritual and it helps me out overall. I mean, yeah I'm not perfect or anything, and there's more to talk about then we do, but it helps." Don said, watching Charlie for his reaction.

Shock was what Don saw. Don smirked, "Yeah, I'm not so perfect, Am I?"

Charlie shook his head, "No, I think that just made you the perfect older brother."

Don turned Charlie around, looking him in the face, "You think so?"

"Yeah Don, I do. I don't feel so alone anymore knowing that you have had similar experiences as me. I mean, going to see a psychiatrist... that's..."

"Scary?"

Charlie smiled, "Yeah. It's really scary."

"Well, I can go with you, if you'd like. I'll drive you there. I think it's a good idea that you go. I want you to get through these issues." Don said.

Charlie hiccuped and Don chuckled. "How you feeling Charlie?"

Charlie looked up and smiled goofily, "Just fine."

Don shook his head, "We'll get you some water when we return."

Charlie crossed his arms, "I don't need water, but I like the idea of you driving me to the doctors."

Don nodded, "Believe it or not, but when I first came back to live here, I read a bunch of books about child prodigies and their psychology... I was trying to understand where you were coming from. Some of them made you seem like you were autistic, some made you seem like you weren't really special at all. I just... the common thread was that a lot of the times its lonely being so brilliant."

Charlie looked away, "They are all right, to an extent. Each person with this... gift... reacts and acts differently. I mean, there are some people who really are like rain man, and there are some who just study very hard. Einstein's brain showed no difference between his and a regular person's brain."

Don nodded, "I know, but it doesn't matter if there are physiological differences, or if people react differently. I only care how you react, and to be prepared for it. To deal with it as we can. Finding you in your office that day was unnerving, let alone trying to find you after Dad was convinced that you were going to do something stupid..."

"He thought what?" Charlie exclaimed.

"Charlie. You were so depressed, and then you just ran, he was afraid he was going to lose you. He's constantly afraid of losing us, because he lost mom."

Charlie nodded, "I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be sorry," Don said, "Let's just get you help."

Charlie nodded and then turned and embraced his older brother. Don at first was shocked, but then wrapped his arms around Charlie, vowing that he'd watch after Charlie more and be a better brother.

Charlie stepped back, muttering a thanks. They decided it was time to head back, Charlie needed water and a nap, the shots and beer finally catching up to him. Don kept his arm protectively over Charlie's shoulders, pretending not to see the tears welled up in Charlie's eyes. He squeezed the mathematician's shoulder and they walked into the hotel.

THE END... no, for real, its over.

COMPLETE


End file.
